you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
