Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
