i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
