Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
