well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
