According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
