I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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