at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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