I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
