well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
