8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I faked an abortion last night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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