He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
