drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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