There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't turn off my feet"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
