Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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