Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
