I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
