they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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