if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
