if you like me you must not know who I am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard