hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
