My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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