no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
