Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
