Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
