WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
