my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
