i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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