Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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