If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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