I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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