I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
