i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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