i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
