I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
