come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
