Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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