stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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