I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
