how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
