Sponge bath it is.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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