K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize