I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
