I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
