I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
