I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
