Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
