I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
