I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
