fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
