She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
