My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
