nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
