I just threw up on my dentist
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
