Your mouth is God's brothel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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