Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
