I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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