I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
