I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
