My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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