3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
