Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
