I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
