I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
