Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
