you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am midnight drunk by noon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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