So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
