remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize