The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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