I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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