If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
