That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
