I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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